


What Happens in Paris

by NeutralRobot



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, How Do I Tag, I have no idea why i wrote this, My First Fanfic, That's it, just crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 20:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1137323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeutralRobot/pseuds/NeutralRobot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A girl goes to Paris for vacation and briefly encounters Prussia and France.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Happens in Paris

Sophia Walker glared at scene unfolding in front of her. Needless to say, her trip to Paris wasn’t turning out as she had hoped. First the airline had lost her luggage, then the hotel had lost her reservation, and now some random dude had grabbed her by the arm, yelled something in French at her, then started to walk off, only to be stopped by another man. The two were now engaged in a rather loud argument. The one who grabbed her had chin-length wavy blond hair and was wearing an ostentatious outfit of red pants and a bright blue shirt, complete with a miniature cape. The other man (her rescuer?) had white hair and red eyes and was dressed in a simple navy blue shirt and dark jeans.  
To be honest, Sophie had no idea how the two could maintain a conversation, let alone a heated argument. Mr. Goldilocks was speaking accelerated French as Little Boy Blue (okay, not really little, he was a bit taller than Goldilocks and at least half a head taller than Sophie herself) replied equally rapidly in a language that Sophie thought must be some form of German.  
Sophie wasn’t sure what was going on, but she imagined it went something like this:

Goldilocks found an unsuspecting young tourist. Grabbing her arm, he yelled ‘Follow me or you will be dead by morning!’ he started to walk off, but then was stopped by none other than Little Boy Blue! Curse that hero for trying to cut short his killing spree!  
‘How dare you intimidate an innocent tourist! She’s probably had a really bad day and you should leave her alone!’ Boy Blue yelled.  
‘Don’t try to stop me Blue! I will do what I wish!’ Goldilocks yelled back, indignation flashing across his face.  
’I will never let you get away with such horrible things! Prepare to meet your doom, Goldilocks!’  
‘Hah! As if you could stop me!’ Goldilocks taunted.  
‘That’s it! I’m taking you to face justice!’ Little Boy Blue roared.  
Fear flashed across Goldilock’s face. ‘You don’t mean…? No! You wouldn’t!’  
‘Yes! I’m sure Momma Bear will know what to do with you!’ and with that, Little Boy Blue dragged Goldilocks off to meet his twisted fate, the villainous waif with wavy locks crying ‘Nooo! Please! She’s never forgiven me for cross-dressing and stealing her breakfast!’

What actually happened, however, was something like this:

Francis Bonnefoy wasn’t scared at all. Nor was he hiding, he was just… lying in wait, yeah, that’s right. Disappearing in plain view. Military tactic, that’s all. And as soon as Ludwig’s older brother showed his face, he’d beat him up! Yeah! Like he’s done before... except for that time when Arthur beat him up. Or the other time when Alfred beat him up. Hey, how was he supposed to know that Americans who wear glasses and stuff their faces with hamburgers work out and are really tough? Although the simple fact that he stuffs his face with hamburgers everyday and doesn’t get fat might have been a clue… why does he hit so hard? He’s always saying ‘I’m the hero!’ too… it’s pretty annoying actually- No! Focus, Francis!  
So it was with the intention that he beat up a certain albino quickly, and certainly not that he hide from said albino, that he grabbed the nearest person and asked-rather loudly- if she had seen a red eyed man around here anywhere. And then as he walked off (clearly the tourist hadn’t understood a word he said) Gilbert Beilshmidt, the very man he had been trying to avoid-I mean beat up- found him.  
“How dare you pluck Gilbird’s feathers, Francis! He’s scared out of his wits! That was so not awesome!”  
“What do you mean! It was Ivan, you idiot! The creepy guy with the lead pipe, remember?” Francis yelled back, indignation flashing across his face.  
“As if! The Awesome Me knows when people are lying! And you’re lying, Francis Bonnefoy! Not awesome!”  
“Hah! You’re the one that’s not awesome!” Francis taunted the egomaniac.  
“That’s it! No one questions my Awesomeness! You’ll pay for this in the worst way imaginable!” Gilbert roared, his (awesome) patience at an end.  
Fear flashed across Francis’ face. “You don’t mean…? No! You wouldn’t!”  
“Yes! You’ll have to eat some of Arthur’s cooking!” and with that, Gilbert dragged Francis off to meet his twisted fate, the villainous waif with wavy locks crying, “Nooo! My taste buds will die horribly! Please, no!”

…

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so.... I literally have no excuse for this. I'm not even going to try to come up with one.  
> And I'm not sorry, either.  
> (This is why you shouldn't take my internet away at eleven pm. Without tumblr to distract me, horrors are spawned.)


End file.
